Aloha world! The birds are singing, creative juices are flowing and life is good!
This week I had an epiphany about our journey forward on the road after spinal cord injury. I've spent many mornings meditating, I've said prayers asking for guidance, and I've used my problem solving skills ad infimum trying to figure out what we are supposed to do next. The problem with my process is that I have been doing this centered on how to make it all work in a certain context that revolves around our current situation.
We know we have to move and the deadline is closing in as we search and search for an accessible home in a town that was built long before accessibility was introduced to the dictionary, we have yet to find a place. I have become somewhat consumed by craigslist and other property rental sites trying to find this place.
In our current situation I have a job that I love which provides insurance for my husband which is a non-negotiable need right now. I have let the constraints of these two factors keep me in a mindset that the only options are staying where we live because we need the insurance and I need to love work right now so I can feel capable of taking on more at home helping my husband as we adjust to life after SCI. All very logical thoughts, right?
The problem with my thinking is that it is limiting. I have disallowed a world of options by staying stuck in this thinking. I have come to realize that my thinking in this has been completely askew from my true and natural way of being. My default is to be completely open to any possibility that is in a healthy direction and continues the adventure of life. My default is to refuse to make decisions based from fear. I have done this my whole life and because the circumstances now are more challenging I lost the trail. Now my internal compass has brought me back and I know now that I need to be guided in this transitional process by following the ideas that bring good feelings. As I imagine different places we could go if I am filled with joy, excitement, contentment, or love then I know I am on the right track. If on the other hand it feels hard, stressful, draining, or impossible then I need to turn another direction and quit trying so hard to make it happen.
I find words hard to express how amazing this change of mindset feels! It's the breath of fresh air I have so needed since my breath was taken away the day of the accident. So I suppose my point in all this is a friendly reminder that there are always options, we just need to get out of our own way and allow them to appear.
I send my love and well thoughts to all! Aloha