Aloha world and good morning! Lately it seems I have heard from a few different sources how unlikely it is for a relationship to stay in tact after one person suffers a spinal cord injury. Many thoughts have crossed my mind since my husband was hurt but one thought that has not crossed my mind is leaving him. This has led me to reflect on what it is about our relationship that keeps us going forward together.
First and foremost I believe I must credit my dedication to doing self-care. I am fortunate that self-care has long been a priority in my life so that even before my husbands accident I had already established self-care routines to maintain my emotional and mental well being. Of course times are different now and I have had to modify those routines to adapt to our new lifestyle to fit in my routines. While I believe it helped to have a groundwork to build from, I do not think anyone who did not have such established routines has any less accessibility to implementing such routines at any given point into their lives. The thing about self-care is it is more about making a choice than any other factor. I have heard people offer many reasons why they can not do self-care in my work in the mental health field. Most often people speak of not having the time or money. Usually though I find if I dig deep enough it tends to boil down to people don't feel they deserve to take the time for themselves or don't know how.
This is where perception comes into play. The thing about our beliefs is that we get caught up thinking they are absolute and true but we are never able to get outside of ourselves and be truly objective. We see the world through the meaning we give it with our perception of the information given us. Perception is the sum total of how we choose to make meaning of our beliefs and information (events, circumstances, etc.) that present in our lives. There is a great quote by Wayne Dyer that speaks to this idea that states: "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change". In other words we have the choice at any time to shift our thinking and see things a different or new way.
This comes into play hugely in a relationship after spinal cord injury (actually I would say this is true for all relationships:) However, after someone in the relationship sustains a spinal cord injury obstacles and challenges fire rapidly. Making conscious effort to mind your thoughts and make thoughtful choices to perceive those challenges in a manner that serves your growth in the best possible way is critical to staying emotionally and mentally healthy.
You may be asking, so how do I learn to make these changes and get to this place of emotional and mental well being? Ah, and now I get to make the full circle..... The magic happens by taking the time to do self-care.