The initial shock of learning that my husband in one moment went from being the most capable man I had ever met to a quadriplegic absolutely took my breath away. Simultaneously time seemed to stop and move impossibly fast. In our case since we live in rural Hawaii, my husband had to be flown to another island to receive care at a trauma 1 hospital with the ability to provide the appropriate level of care for his level of injury. Suddenly amidst the immobilizing fears and uncertainties I had to jump to action and handle a slew of logistical needs. The accident happened about 1/4 mile from our home and I was able to go to the scene of the accident and be with my husband until the paramedic's arrived. I then went to the hospital and stayed with my husband for 5 hours until they could stabilize him enough and arrange a medical transport to the island of Oahu. Unfortunately the night of the accident it was raining so hard they were unable to send the flight for life helicopter so we had to wait for a plane to become available. I had spoken to husband just 15 minutes before the accident. He was coming home from work while I was making dinner. As he came around the last turn before our driveway, a truck was coming down the hill cutting the corner and in his lane. My husband swerved and given the torrential rains went into a hydroplane, crashed into several trees until his impact on the final tree was so hard it split his car open, ejecting him 15 feet.
Those first few weeks were surreal and to anyone in that place I send my love and prayers. I will provide a "survival guide" based on my experience and hope it helps anyone feeling stuck and unable to see the path forward.
Tips for Starting the Journey Forward after SCI
- Delegate roles to key players in your family and friendship circles to communicate about the situation. I chose one person from my family, one from my husbands, one person from my husbands work, one person from my work, and one friend who was willing to communicate to all the others.
- Take a walk outside the hospital everyday. Connecting with nature (even in a city there is still the sun and moon above) connects you to your source of pure positive energy within.
- Touch your spouse often. Rub your fingers through their hair, kiss their forehead, hold their hand, ask the hospital staff any stretches you can do.
- Talk to your spouse as tender and lovingly as you can muster. Do not talk to them about your fears, worries, or stress. I used guided meditation techniques with my husband. I often referred to the light and guiding him to go to and be "in the light"
- Remember to eat, the healthier the better
- Do some research about the rehabilitation hospital that would best suit your needs and be accepted by your insurance. We went to CRAIG Hospital in Colorado. They were fantastic and I would highly recommend them. CRAIG provided free housing for me while my husband was in their care which was huge.
- Talk to your work about what arrangements can be made to allow you to take leave and be with your husband while in rehabilitation. Any time you are able to spend at the rehabilitation hospital will be invaluable once you return home and take a more primary role in your husbands care. This time also helps with the transition by exposing you to many other individuals in the same boat who are successfully moving forward.
- Keep your interactions with others to the people or sources that uplift you. This is no time to let in the negative influences of others. Be wary of folks who only want to stick in the pity and hardship. This can be a trap and impede you ability to move forward. There will likely be well meaning individuals who want to "help you vent" that only help keep you stuck in a low place.
- Do seek out the support of uplifting sources of help and people. I watch a ton of youtube videos. I especially have found immense support from: Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks, Joe Dispenza, and Bruce Lipton. Feeding your soul is as important as remembering to feed your body.
- Be your own cheerleader. Pay attention to your self talk and say to yourself statements that empower you such as: " I can handle this", "Everything will be okay", "One day at a time", "I send love and healing to all of us".... etc.
This may well be the hardest thing you go through in this life. It seemed a favorite phrase in rehab was "it's a marathon not a race". This is so true and it really does happen one step at a time. I wish anyone on this journey much strength and hope this post helps. Take care!