In the education world we hear the phrase 5 to 1 gets the job done quite often. What does it mean you ask? 5 to 1 means every one time you provide a correction to a student there should be five positive statements given to balance the negative effect of the correction. The ideology that supports this kind of treatment towards school children is nothing new. It has its roots in therapies such as applied behavioral analysis which has been around since the sixties. By the eighties a man named Randy Sprick was publishing books on how to successfully run a classroom without relying on punitive measures to control the children proposing instead to implement proactive and positive instructional techniques. The books he wrote are called The Solution Book (1981), Discipline in the Secondary Classroom (1985), and Foundations (1992). These works from Sprick and some other researchers from this time period birthed what we now know as Positive Behavior Supports (PBS).
You cannot go to a meeting anymore where a discussion of classroom management does not include how to use PBS strategies. You would think this is great news and that since these strategies are emphasized so strongly that classrooms now days are these wonderful learning environments where the children’s needs are always met. The reality though is that there is a pervasive continuance of the belief that children should do what they are told to do and if they do not they should be punished. Often times not just punished but made the fool in front of all their peers so the shame and embarrassment will teach them a lesson about being respectful. To boot this is almost always governed by the teacher’s opinion that the child definitely “knows better” and that the teacher has “done everything right” to “control” the classroom.
If you are like me when you hear this kind of talk you stomach does a flip and you feel great sadness for the children. If you are like me you wonder how in the world is a child to learn how to be respectful when they are humiliated in front of their peers and supposed to learn about respect by being completely disrespected by their teacher. It is as if responding to behavior with negative punitive measures is the natural knee jerk reaction. Despite the attention given to the massive amount of research available that supports using positive behavior supports for a successful classroom and proves punitive measures do not work and more often increases negative behaviors, it is still way more common to see the use of punitive consequences than proactive positive supports.
So I challenge you to think about your interactions with the people in your life to give the 5 to 1 philosophy a try. I have seen the proof that this works with our children in the schools. It is such a great sight and wonderful feeling to look upon a teacher who whole heartedly implements positive behavior supports in their classroom. You can feel the energy coming from the room and it is so positive. The children are engaged with the teacher, they smile and participate, and even the generally most challenging children feel wanted and try their best. I believe we all could use the 5 to1 strategy in all our relationships. Do you work with someone who is difficult to motivate? Try the 5 to 1 trick and see if they start wanting to try harder. Do you find that anytime you want to ask your partner to help more or complete unfinished projects it turns into a huge fight? Try the 5 to 1 trick and see if they are more willing. Do you find your teenage children constantly engaging in power struggles with you? You guessed it, try the 5 to 1 trick and see if the struggles subside.
So how do you give positive reinforcements? It is in all your actions, the words you use as well as your non-verbal language. Give frequent smiles to the person or high fives and pats on the back. Say thank you for the tasks they do complete. Every person wants to feel appreciated and stating your gratitude is a powerful reinforcement. Reward them with your time (especially children love and crave this), bake a sweet treat, send an appreciation card that maybe even includes a gift card, help them with a project, or tell them affirming statements like “great job” or “you are a rock star”. You can be as creative as you want to the idea is to make a point of actively showing you recognize and appreciate the work the person is doing.
I would love to hear your stories of using the 5 to 1 strategy within your relationships. Leave me a comment and let me know how it works in your life.